How to Honor or Include Loved Ones

If a friend or relative can’t join you for the wedding, you may still want to include him or her in some way. Many couples experience this and are very successful at honoring their loved one at the wedding. Here are some meaningful ways to do it—plus, how to arrange for him or her to witness the festivities as they take place.

• Tie one of your wedding elements to an item that’s meaningful to (or reminiscent of) him or her. For example, if your relative is a sports fan, include a tiny flag representing his favorite team in the center of your bouquet, or use ribbons in the team colors to wrap the stems. If there’s a particular flower your friend loves, you can use those blooms to decorate a part of the altar. Similarly, if a particular poem reminds you of this person, you can incorporate it as a reading in your service, along with a brief mention of why you’ve chosen it. Some brides wear a locket holding a photo of the person who can’t be there, to keep him or her close to her heart.
• Mention the friend or relative in your program, describing why he is special to you and can’t be with you at the wedding.
• Include something important to that person in your reception décor; for example, your grandmother’s milk-glass collection could be used as vases for the floral centerpieces.
• Make a donation with the money that would have been spent on wedding favors to a particular charity that has significance to the person who is ill. (You can leave notes of explanation at each table.)
• Ask your band or DJ to help you pay tribute by performing a special song that reminds you of your loved one.
• Connect the affected person to the event via technology. Most photographers now shoot digitally and can have photos uploaded to a Web site throughout the event so that your relative or friend can view them, nearly in real time. Or consider having your wedding Webcasted. Numerous services, including webcastmywedding.net and vowcast.com, can make it possible for your loved one to watch the wedding as it unfolds, on a computer—the next best thing to actually being there.

PLEASE NOTE: Before deciding on a tribute, discuss it with your parents or your groom’s so that they’re not caught off-guard. It’s also possible, especially if the loved one is their spouse or parent, that they prefer you don’t draw attention to this person’s absence as it would upset them at the event. If this is the case, it’s best to respect their wishes and either omit the tribute or find a way to keep it to yourselves (such as tucking a piece of lace from your grandmother’s wedding gown into your bouquet in a way that isn’t visible to guests).

In what ways will you incorporate, or have you incorporated, your loved ones into your wedding day?
Talk about your ideas here.