Accelerate or Postpone Your Wedding

Tips to make your change of date less daunting.

With the stress that comes from dealing with an illness, you may find that pulling off your nuptials as planned is too physically or emotionally demanding. You might be considering either moving up the date or pushing it back. Either way, if you go into it with an open and flexible mind, the process shouldn’t become overwhelming, says Lindsay Landman, founder of Lindsay Landman Events in NYC.

First, consider the prognosis for the illness you’re facing, and think about the effects a date change may have, both mentally and logistically. Landman typically advises clients struggling with sickness to speed things up because she has seen couples who have put off their wedding end up continually postponing it. “Getting married can give you and your family the strength to help you through the challenges you’re facing,” she notes.

Before you can set a new date, you’ll need to speak to any vendors you’ve already hired, plus your officiant, to determine their availability. Start with the caterer and venue, “the two biggest pieces of the puzzle,” Landman says. Next, talk to any who are self-proprietors; an independent photojournalist, for example, wouldn’t be able to simply send a replacement, like a photo studio might, if you choose to reschedule the wedding on a busy day. It’s always preferable to stick with the vendors you’ve already hired. “They’ll be more loyal to you than new vendors would likely be,” Landman says, and most will try their best to accommodate your needs, especially if there’s a health-related reason for your changes. Most will also apply your deposit to the new event, if it’s booked within a particular time frame. But you’ll also need to be realistic; the pros you’ve hired are businesses with many requests for the same dates, so some may not be available on the new date and you might have to replace them. (Check your contract to see if you’re entitled to a partial or full refund of your deposit.)

Also keep in mind that there can be other fees involved in a date change, such as extra rush rate for the bridal attire—potentially up to 50 percent of your dress’ total cost. If that’s the case, you might choose to abandon your order and the deposit and buy a dress off the rack, which would probably be significantly discounted, says Landman. But before you make that move, be sure the shop will not charge you the full amount for the dress you’ve already requested; some will, as they wouldn’t be able to sell your dress to anyone else, and you can’t stop them if they have your credit card information.

If you now plan to marry sooner than expected, consider selecting a different day of the week for your event. Vendors and venues are less likely to be booked for a wedding held on a Thursday or Friday evening or a Sunday—Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are two dates that are especially slow, and some venues even offer discounts on those days—so that may be the most seamless option for you. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Even if you had originally wanted to plan the wedding on your own, you may find that the date change (and added health responsibilities) have become more of a challenge, so it now makes sense to hire a planner to help. (See our story, “Hiring a Planner,” for more on how to do it.)

Finally, don’t forget to look into local laws about marriage licenses. You might need to hurry to get one sooner, or if you’re holding the wedding later than you’d planned and have already gotten your license, it might expire too soon: In most states, they’re valid for a period between three and 60 days.

When changing your plans, be sure to inform everyone involved. It’s not easy to have to talk about why the wedding plans are being accelerated or pushed back, but to make sure your guests can still attend, you should allow as much time as possible for them to reorganize their travel plans. (At least six weeks’ notice is preferable, but a wedding can certainly be pulled together in two to three weeks, as long as you’ve secured the vendors; you just may end up with a smaller crowd.) “You don’t have to get into all the uncomfortable details of your situation,” Landman says. Simply send a brief letter or even an e-mail to everyone as soon as you know he new date and any adjustments to the venue or accommodations. She suggests stating, “Due to extenuating circumstances, some of our plans have changed,” and giving the revised details. Ask your stationer to recommend companies that can print the letter quickly: Some are more willing to rush orders, and you don’t have to work with that company that did your invites—another can design the note to look similar.

The challenges you’re dealing with are stressful, but keep in mind, Landman says, “Being married and having a really positive experience and a special, happy day can give you strength to help you get through it.”

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